It’s too early to be selfish.

The other day I was going on to myself about why things aren’t fair in my life. Then I stopped to think. In some respects, I think I’ve become selfish. I complain about a life given to me where in all honesty I’m starting to think that just maybe, life does have a purpose. For a life around me where I’ve constantly judged my life against those of my friends, I’ve always been angered. I’ve felt like I’ve been getting the cold shoulder. I’ve felt like I deserve better. I’ll never forget a night a couple months ago, where I became extremely angered. I was upset because I was full of good emotions and then right when every thing finally started to go the way I wanted it to, it shot me down to the ground just moments later when somebody imed me, basically telling me how I saw things really wasn’t how they appeared. Well I prayed that night, something that I just don’t do that often. I yelled at God, asking him why is it that a guy like me who has always taken the right path in life, always trying to do the right thing and stay out of trouble, get shafted, why my very friends are happy even though they’ve made worse mistakes in their life. Well I know God doesn’t speak to people in the normal sense, but he found another way that night, and he told me to Have Faith.

And that’s what I’m doing.

At the same time I sit here broke, with a job that embarrasses me to even have after this long, I’ve come to a realization. Is it possible that all these what seem to be misfortunes in life are actually in place for a bigger picture that us as people can’t see clearly? I say this because my whole life, I’ve longed for a few things that I just haven’t received. One at the top of the list is ultimately finding true love, with second being my life after college. These are just two issues which have caused the most stress and most of my anger. But as I’ve sat here thinking about things since that one day when I realized I’m supposed to have Faith, things started feeling like my life is like a puzzle. Just that.. some of my pieces are missing, but over time it’s being more complete. I mean take this into consideration, with all the complaining I do, if I think about it really hard some people might say I’ve got it better than anybody else. I don’t mean to sound conceited, but in reality I shouldn’t be complaining. Except for the two things listed above, I’ve actually achieved everything I’ve wanted. It was my dream to be in Chamber Singers when I was young. I got in. It was my dream to be the lead in the musical. I was. I can’t imagine not having those things in my life. Next it’s my website. I’m very fortunate. All it actually is, is a Mortal Kombat Fan Site. Just another website among the other million websites created when I was a freshman in high school, because I was bored and I liked Mortal Kombat. There’s a lot more people who don’t give two cents about a Mortal Kombat fansite, than who do. But apparently some people do care. A what some people might call a stupid website that I spend way to much time on has started to change my life. I know it’s crazy. But how crazy is it? If it wasn’t for a hobby I would have never gone to New York City for a second time. If it wasn’t for this hobby I wouldn’t be able to say that I’ve made two trips to California this year! Los Angeles and San Diego! All because of a website. I’m doing things that my parents never even dreamed of at age 21. I’m not a member of the press and I had a trip paid including flight and hotel by Midway Games to San Diego, just because they like what I do, and my website helps them sell their company’s top franchise. Just realizing that, I’m selfish for all of my complaining I do. I’ve got it better than any of my friends. And I’m complaining over the fact that I haven’t been dating someone all this time? I honestly feel bad. On top of that, because of a “stupid” website I run, I’ve actually considered applying to Midway Games who’s based in Chicago when I get my bachelors degree in June. Is it possible that a hobby I started in high school for fun, could have honestly turned into a future career. I can’t say for sure. But it’s what I want. I’m realizing a lot of dreams have already come true, and for the dreams that haven’t been fulfilled yet, maybe if I just have faith they will come together. None of my dreams have yet to be put in the impossible category. They have either been accomplished or they or still being worked out. I really hope this is the case. I don’t want to be this person that I’ve been over the many years who’s been interpreted as an average guy from Ohio. I have dreams, I want to go places, and I want to continue this new lifestyle that has been brought upon me this year. Someone once encouraged me that the year 2004 would be a year full of growth and even the start of a stronger relationship with God. It’s really looking to end up like that.

And so here I sit, praying for the one thing I really want in my life, this:

Two souls,
One love,
Sent from up above,
How did I ever survive,
Without you in my life,
Two souls,
One love,
The one I’ve dreamt of,
And for as long as I live,
I’ll give you all I have to give

When I fly up to Chicago in November, I’ll finally found out if its possible if something as ridiculous as a Mortal Kombat fan site, can change your life.