I’m sick of this

I’m sick of this. I’m sick of living with my parents, and esp. getting in fights with mom. I hate whenever I do anything wrong, she acts like she is the one it happened too. I hate it when she tells me what I already know, I hate it. Ugh. There’s way to many issues going on right now and frankly I’m sick of it, everybody here is on high nerves and it’s driving me nuts. So nuts that when my mom goes off on me about something I loose it, it’s not even like I’m the same person. I said some god awful things to my mom I wish I didn’t, like I say every time we get into one of our really huge fights, but it’s like she’s deliberately trying to push my buttons and see if she can just make me explode. Nobody else makes me mad but her. She’s the only one that can make me so angry. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of living here. I’m sick of my job. I’m sick of going to school every single day with only week breaks in between. I’m burntout. I’m sick of getting paid under 7 at Wendys. I’m sick of my friends being happier. I’m sick of being tired all the time. I’m sick of setting my alarm clock for 7 and not having the energy to get out of bed until 10.

I want a better job, I don’t want to live here, and I want my mom to stop making me so stressed out. I know. I want, I want, I want. But after today, I don’t know if I’m going to be able to handle things like this much more. I need a big change in my life, because I’m sick and tired of the way things are now.

Part of me feels bad. I feel like I should be here, because sometimes I’m worried about mom and dad, because they are getting older. My mom is stressed out because she basically has no knee in one of her legs and will probably have to get an implant.. She can barely walk up and down the stairs in our house. My dad, who I love so much, is depressed. His best friend Art at the Post Office died a few days ago at just 56 of a heart attack, only a few years older then my dad, and the same age as my mom. My dad’s one hobby, his hot rod he’s making in the barn, has been put on hold so many times because of trying to get me through college and what not. My sister is facing her own problems in her family, and I’m concerned about her. Just a lot of stress and issues going on right now. When will things get better, or are they going to keep getting worse? I feel so guilty now fighting with mom, but I don’t know where to go from here. I’m ready for a change. Sorry for such a depressed journal entry, but that’s how I feel right now. I have to go, I have class in an hour.